Finally a Barbie I can relate to!
At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to
coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These
are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops
of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes
with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy
triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns.
Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with
tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in
stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll
on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores
with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on
soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for
Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg
blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut
holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch
Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo(her
personal trainer) is just what the doctor
ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in
her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley
to open a B&B. includes a real tape of "Breaking
Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have
finally caught up with the ultimate party girl.
Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.
Clean and sober, she's going to meetings
religiously. Come with a little copy of The Big
Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her
pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of
Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube,
clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends
and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book
"Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is
included.