The Pentagon recently discovered it had too many generals
and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any
general who retired straight away his full annual benefits
plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two points on the general's body, with the general
getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the
pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of
his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from
the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He
walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked
where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip of
my penis to the bottom of my testicles." The pension man
suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to
reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two
generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension
expert said that would be fine but that he'd better get the
medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer
attended and asked the general to drop em. He did. The
medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's
penis and began to work back. My God!" he said, "Where are
your testicles?" The general replied, "In Vietnam."